Now, close your eyes and imagine soft music playing in the background. Bergen’s haunting voice echoes: “God, you may forgive your sinful servants, but I never will.” Should we forgive the ones who hurt us? Those who loved and left, those who caused us pain—should we really let it all go?
Our beloved artist Bergen made her stance clear. But what about us? Can we forgive? Should we?
Forgiveness is one of the hardest yet most powerful steps we can take in a relationship. Mistakes happen. Hearts break. But moving past the hurt and rebuilding what’s been damaged often begins with forgiveness.
Still, that leads to another big question: does forgiveness also mean forgetting?
Let’s explore what forgiveness and forgetting really mean in relationships—and how you might find peace with both.
Why Forgiving Feels So Difficult
Forgiveness doesn’t come easy—especially when we’ve been hurt deeply. As humans, we’re wired to protect ourselves. Once we’ve been wounded, it’s natural to build emotional walls to avoid being hurt again.
There’s also a common misconception: that forgiveness means weakness. In reality, choosing to forgive is an act of strength—and it can actually make a relationship stronger and more resilient.
Forgetting: Is It Even Possible?
Forgiveness and forgetting are often mentioned in the same breath, but forgetting is far more complex. To forget something means to completely erase it from your mind—which isn’t how memory works.
While the brain rarely erases emotional memories entirely, it can dull their sharpness over time. The pain becomes less raw. The emotions soften.
Finding the Balance Between Forgiving and Forgetting
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the hurt never happened. And forgetting isn’t about acting like the mistake didn’t exist.
What truly matters is learning from what happened and choosing not to constantly reopen old wounds. When you reach that balance, love and connection can deepen rather than fade.
Tips to Make Forgiveness Easier
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
Don’t suppress your pain. Recognizing that you’ve been hurt is the first step toward healing.
2. Give Yourself Time
Forgiveness is a process, not a switch. Let yourself—and your partner—move through it at your own pace.
3. Communicate Honestly
Share how you feel with your partner. Open, honest conversations can help rebuild trust.
4. Focus on the Good
Instead of clinging to the pain, try shifting your focus to the positive parts of your relationship. This can help lighten the emotional load.
5. Look Forward, Not Back
Rather than rehashing the past, think about what the future could hold—and what you both can do to move forward together.
Final Thoughts: Forgive, But on Your Own Terms
Forgiveness and forgetting play an important role in relationships—but they don’t look the same for everyone. Some people need more time. Some need space. Others need understanding.
What matters most is figuring out what you need in order to move forward—while also considering what’s best for the relationship.
Whatever your journey looks like, remember this: forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting who you are or how you feel. It means making space—for healing, for growth, and maybe even for love to return stronger than before.
